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Quriouslife

Coaching, Training & Consulting

Stay QURIOUS..

“Sometimes one question can change the course of your entire life”

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In all my years, working with people and teams on personal development and growth, the one common theme I hear is: “I am not certain what is expected of me or what I expect from myself (…)”.

Trying too hard to achieve this, call it happiness – by attending workshops, reading self-help books, taking meditation classes, installing mindfulness apps – often stresses us out more than it fulfills what we are looking for. What we should do instead is actually quite simple, however in today’s ‘always busy, always-on’ culture, hard to come by. This is connecting with your boss, your co-worker, your life partner on a deeper level rather than the day-to day superficial level. Study after study shows that good social relationships are the strongest, most consistent predictor of a happy life. The best instrument to achieve this is a really good conversation in which both parties are truly listening to each other with open hearts and minds.

Often we miss the opportunity in these conversations to express our appreciation, what we value and what we expect from each other. In my work I am using these three questions, or conversation starters:

  • You inspire me to…
  • What I like to see more of…
  • What I would like to learn from you…

We’re all hungry for affirmation. The human need for feedback on what’s expected, if doing what we’re doing makes sense, receiving advice, course direction or simply a confirmation of appreciation is super valuable. When I facilitate this with groups of people who have been working together for years and ask them to have this 3 question conversation with each other; I have a hard time breaking up their talk as they share things with each other never done before.

Here you go, try it sometime with someone you work with, your boss or..how long has it been you looked your loved one in the eye to answer these questions for each other?

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Overwhelmed? Get bored!

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Overwhelmed? Get bored!

Sounds a bit off right? Allowing yourself to be bored? Particularly from a typical enthusiast type like me, who loves living life and gets energy from doing things a thousand miles an hour. However, to stay sane in our über-connected world, with Pavlov conditioning to our smartphone-pings the moment we wake up till we go to sleep and trying to prioritise work, family and friends’ attention; I prescribe to be bored more often for a better life balance and reset your priorities.

We lost the art of doing absolute nothing, because we’re getting addicted to always be ‘on’. Smartphones (really, you have two..?), tablets, news feeds, email, WhatsApp, WeChat, social media, taking pictures of every bite we eat, you get my drift.

Here’s a few of my tips to reduce that feeling of being overwhelmed:

1. Create moments of boredom:

I am not saying to be boring, however to inject moments in your day of doing absolutely nothing. With this I mean, nothing. No purpose, no mindfulness, no reading, meditation, yoga and all that good stuff. This can be 10 minutes to an hour of just being. That’s it, no instructions, no distractions, just you and yourself;

2. Give it a name:

Brand your boring moments. Give it a name, so you’ll create a habit to have your ‘island’, ‘b-time’, ‘bubble’ or whatever you come up with. So you can tell your partner, your co-worker..I am off for a few minutes in my ‘bubble’;

3. No distractions:

Be alone, find a space with no distractions. Somewhere where you can sit, lie down, walk. Did I mention no smartphone or any other screens?

4. Conscious breathing:

Use this time to concentrate on something we do 24/7 unconsciously. Often only if we step into a yoga class or a therapist asks us to take some deep breaths, we realise and say “aawwhh this is nice”. Make this your DIY project and take this time to do some deep belly breathing and feel the anxiety exit your guts;

5. Prioritise:
Come back and analyse what are the most urgent and important things you should be doing for the rest of the day. Can you plan for non-urgent important things later that week, that month? Then allocate the time this takes in your calendar, not on a todo-list. This needs to end up in your time planner, otherwise something else takes over;

6. Review:

Ever have that feeling that the day take over from you and that it feels like meetings and projects come as a surprise? At the end of each day, week and month review what’s happening the next day, week, month. This way you can still adjust and plan your schedule, both work and personal and you feel less anxious in your head because you feel in better control knowing what’s going on;

7. Just say no:
This is probably the hardest to most people, as we want to please and support other people. However in order for you to execute your priorities on-time, only say yes if you actually can commit time. Remember to put on your own oxygen mask first, before helping others.

8. Do not overplan your life:

Keep time for your ‘boring’ moments. See what happens when you sit still and do nothing. What do you see? What thoughts are coming to you? When was the last time you allowed yourself to do absolutely nothing for…10 minutes?

I wish you a boring time..

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When was the last time…?

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When was the last time you said yes to things you have never done before?

When was the last time you heard your soul sing?

When was the last time you embraced the beauty of your blemishes?

When was the last time you allowed yourself to be touched by nature?

 

Starting this year I am honored to be co-hosting and facilitating, together with a group of passionate coaches-teachers, exclusive and personalised retreats on a beautiful estate in southern France.
 

We are calling professionals at the top of their game – senior executives, entrepreneurs – who are wondering: Been there, Done that..Now What?

Ready to explore what is next in life? This program is about personal change, setting a new or different course, changing old habits surrounded and inspired by the meditative effect of reconnecting with nature. Every detail of these retreats will be designed to support you.

 
We will make sure you leave with new clarity and fresh perspectives. That big decision you knew you needed to make. Knowing how to overcome what is holding you back. And the kick-start of new habits for a truly fulfilling life.
 
We’re currently doing intakes. Limited places per retreat, so if this calls to you, download the programme details here or email me for more information.

Something for you?

I’d love to get your feedback if you have ideas on potential candidates for this programme within your network.

jos@quriouslife.com

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Setting new goals for 2019? Do this first.

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NEW GOALS FOR 2019? TIMELINE YOUR 2018 HIGHS & LOWS FIRST.
Fact. Most New Year resolutions we make don’t hold beyond the Feb/March time frame. Lots of reasons why: lack of support, no clear goals or process, too ambitious or did you just created too many ‘if’, ‘when’ & ‘but’s’ before even starting in the first place?

WHAT HAPPENED?
Ok, here’s my personal approach to setting goals, resolutions if you will, for the new year. The key missing piece with setting personal goals from scratch is: not reviewing what really works for you, not knowing what has made you happy or not analysing what your past successes looked like and felt like. Do you know the feeling that it’s hard to remember what actually happened this year? Was it this year of the year before? What did I achieve? Some people race to the end-of-year finish line without feeling the joy of accomplishment.

YOUR TIME-LINE, YOUR STORY
So, here’s how you go about this. December is obviously a perfect month to take some time just for yourself to do this. Set aside a few hours and pick your favourite, quiet space. Take a journal, a sheet of paper and draw a horizontal time-line and split into twelve months. The purpose is to reflect back upon your year in order to understand what has shaped you, what has made you feel happy or accomplished. Write these events above your time-line (the positives). Be sure to also include things that were challenging to you, keeping in mind that they can be as essential, if not more so, than just positive ones. Jot down these events below your time-line (the ‘negatives’). You might want to use your calendar or journal to look back en remind you of these things and when they happened.

WHAT DO YOU SEE?
After this work, reflect what you see month by month. What is it about the things which made you feel great, happy? Is there a common theme? Then this is something you could do more of. Probably closely linked to your personal qualities, strengths. Also, what can you learn by observing the more negative 2018 things, the challenging events. Is there a theme? Should you avoid these things from doing, is it work related? People related?

Now you are ready to make informed decisions about setting new goals, what you want or need to do more of in the new year. Remind yourself that it’s not always about the big goals. Small incremental changes which you can consistently apply often prove to be more effective.

LAST THING…
Compare your time-line with the one of your life partner…great conversation starter for sure.

Have a wonderful festive December month.

Warm greetings,

Jos Weesjes

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Is your 2020 goal to double in size…?

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Did you think this was about your personal goal? That would be not so healthy right? Well, is it healthy to see so many companies and brands coming out to say that their footprint, their output, production, revenue, number of hotels, etc. will be doubled by the year 2020? What is it with all these bold statements like: “Our strategy is to double in size by the year 2020”.

STRATEGIC GOALS
This copy/paste strategy chasing the competition is driven by the conglomeratisation (I think I just made up this word..) within industries like airlines, fashion, car and hotel brands. It’s interesting that these large companies are buying and creating brands so frequently that the customer has a hard time catching up. Marriott today has over 35 brands, Wyndham and Accor are closely following. No wonder the customer is confused and the likes of Booking.com are successful.

I understand the need for these multi-brand companies to grow and grow. They need to catch the eyeballs of the online consumer, deliver new brands to investors, build huge loyalty databases…however it starts to look very much like ‘dog eat dog’ out there. Is the winner the largest and boldest in the end? I wonder.

CUSTOMER FIRST..?
A strategic goal should always be hard to copy, be unique and needs to stand out. Otherwise it’s just another tactical goal. Many brands have great slogans, but what do they really mean? Just a few: “To create a better life for the people”, “To inspire humanity – both in the air and on the ground”, “We work hard every day to make […] the world’s most successful service brand”.

I get it, these are interesting slogans for marketing and to rally the troops. Yet I challenge brands to go out and publish equally bold statements in their strategic goals which include customer-centric targets. I just made up a few:

“Our strategy is to have the industry’s best customer satisfaction scores by 2020” or..
“Our strategy is to have zero wait time at our customer service centres by 2020” or..
“Our strategy is to have every guest recommend to their friends to stay in our hotels by 2020”.

HARD
Yes, this is indeed harder to do. It also includes a public promise to customers, guests. Maybe I am unrealistic. But think about it, today’s and especially tomorrow’s customer is looking for something different in a sea of sameness, in a forrest of different brands. I’d love to hear from you.

What are you doing to stand out…?

 

 

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Got 10 minutes…?

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TEN MINUTES FOR…YOURSELF

I get inspired by Tony Robbins, not so much a fan of his big showy events, but rather his personal one-to-one coaching intervention work. Watching an interview with him the other day, he talked about one of my favorite topics. How to make sure we are not becoming a tool of our digital friends (smartphones, tablets) and becoming addicts, but use our smart devices as a tool to serve us. We wake up and go to sleep with our smartphones, how crazy is that? Tony asked “if you don’t have at least 10 minutes a day truly for yourself…you don’t have a life”.

Here’s my personal steps how to create more you time in your life and move from a FOMO to a JOMO state of being:

BUY AN ALARM CLOCK

Remove your smartphone from your bedroom. Try this, it will improve the quality of your sleep and a positive state of mind. Each time I ask my audiences, how do you wake up? 99 percent of people use their smartphone as alarm and guess what? Next action is to read your emails…in bed and still horizontal. How crazy is that? Now, how often do you get truly inspired by reading those emails or social feeds starting your day. Be honest! Create at least a 10 minute buffer, come up with your daily ritual before touching that screen. “I need to read those emails first thing when waking up because I am working on this project or deadlines..”. Well then…wake up 10 minutes earlier, simple right?

BE BORED

Allow yourself every now and then to be bored, no distraction, no plans, just sit on your sofa, no TV no phone, just sit and stare. See what happens. Our society has developed an expectation of being constantly occupied and constantly stimulated. In a ‘bored’ quiet state we get creative, make new plans, new ideas and this involves being able to develop internal stimuli. Hard to do? Try running without music, going to the bathroom without your smartphone.

REMOVE NEWSFEEDS, ALERTS

These tools are designed to get us hooked into reading stuff, which we would otherwise not look up ourselves. Call me old fashioned, read an actual newspaper, paper or digital, to get inspired, be informed about a broader spectrum of topics than a narrow newsfeed ‘targeted for people like you’. Again, are we a tool or do we use our device as a tool to enrich our lives? On average we spend 3-5 hours a day on our phones. How often do you realise that time has slipped away without noticing it? Could you have used that time in a better way. Even if it were 10 minutes…?

DO THE 24 HOUR CHALLENGE

A test to see if you are simply addicted to social media is to switch off from opening your social media apps like Facebook, Instagram, WeChat, Whatsapp, etc., for just 24 hours. Fill that time with something else: you time, talk, walk, be bored, look into someone eyes and remember the color, read a book, call a friend, finish that project, call your Mum.

MOVE FROM FOMO TO JOMO

Finally with all this; move yourself away from that Fear Of Missing Out to…feeling a Joy Of Missing Out. You don’t have to post it to prove it.

Cheers!
Jos

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Yes We Can. Yes Weekend?

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Thank you Mr. Ford
We have to thank the industrial revolution and Mr. Ford who introduced in the early 1900’s a five day workweek to allow people to actually have some time to drive (and buy..) his cars. Today, there’s tons of quotes and sayings about how to get through the week to reach the weekend. Like: ‘better days are coming, they are called Saturday and Sunday’.

Are you treating the weekend or for that matter any other days of the week if you work on weekends, to re-charge, inspire, chill, re-connect with your loved ones? In essence do something quite different from your weekday activities? I am not a follower of any particular religion in its pure form, however the role of the quiet Sunday, Saturday (or Friday) to have some introspection and..to dedicate these days to things you typically don’t have time for or do during the week has a lot of value.

Even though if you are not working, are financially independent or like myself have a very dynamic, not your typical 9-5 work schedule, I strongly promote to always carve out a sense of weekend. To create a feeling of accomplishment and reward whilst looking back at your work, study or activities achieved the days before.

Commit
Working with people across the cultural spectrum, the one thing I hear is that they are super busy, stressed out, spending Sundays to catch-up on office email and therefor are not switching off and…the Monday begins yet again and the cycle continues. Make that commitment to yourself, to your health, to your loved ones to start planning and carving out that sense of weekend.

And then.. how to create and insert those weekend moments bit by bit throughout the week. Go to the movies on a weekday night, have passionate sex on a Tuesday morning, go and do your weekend grocery shopping on Thursday morning rather than standing in long queues on your precious Saturday..oh yes we order online now. I forgot about that.

Plan and spend that precious time wisely. Even when your Saturday is a pyjama-messed-up-hair day..that’s fine. But do it intensely and allow yourself to truly enjoy it.

Everyday..

“Honestly, I never really understood the glorification of Fridays & weekends.

I don’t want to build a life and career, where I spent five days a week waiting for the weekend. No!

I want to enjoy my life, and don’t wish any weekday away. I want each day to matter to me, in some way, even if it’s a small tiny way.

I love my life. Everyday. That’s the spirit we should convey all around us.”
– Akilnathan Logeswaran

Be well and have a wonderful weekend 🙂

Jos

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Life’s Little Instructions

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First month of the year in the pocket. If you have set yourself some new personal goals for the year…are you on track? Most resolutions are thrown out of the window around this time because they are too ambitious, too many, too big, too vague, etc. I am a firm believer of starting small and achieving things every single day. Yes, I love ticking off those to-do’s at the end of the day. Happiness!

In this note I am sharing with you a wonderful collection of simple life goals I came across recently and I hope that at least a few of these will inspire you as well:

Life’s Little Instructions

Treat everyone you meet like you want to be treated * Watch a sunrise at least once a year * Never refuse homemade brownies * Plant a tree on your birthday * Learn three clean jokes * Return borrowed vehicles with the gas tank full * Compliment three people everyday * Sing in the shower * Keep it simple * Never waste an opportunity to tell someone you love them * Leave everything a little better than you found it * Think big thoughts but relish in small pleasures * Become the most positive and enthusiastic person you know * Ask for a raise when you feel like you’ve earned it * Be forgiving of yourself and others * Overtip good waiters * Buy whatever kids are selling on tables in their front yards * Wear polished shoes * Avoid negative people * Remember friend’s birthdays * Commit yourself to constant improvement * Send lots of Valentine cards. Sign them, ‘Someone who thinks you’re really wonderful’ * Stop blaming others and take responsibility for every area of your life * Look people in the eye * Strive for excellence not perfection * Be the first to say ‘Hello’ * Have a dog * Stretch your body every morning * Wave at school kids on buses * Be there when people need you * Don’t expect life to be fair * Never underestimate the power of love * Drink champagne for no reason at all * Live your life as an exclamation not an explanation * Don’t be afraid to say ‘I made a mistake’ * Always keep your promises * Marry only for love * Rekindle old friendships * Run if you don’t like walking * Walk if you don’t like running * Cherish your mother *

My read suggestion:
Let’s go back to basic 2018 goal setting: did you even pick the right resolution? Have a read though this article by Jen A. Miller in the guide to setting and keeping resolutions, you want to pick something that your heart is in, rather than something you set arbitrarily or when emotions are high.

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