![](https://quriouslife.bpbasicplus.com/files/2019/08/Screenshot-2019-08-02-at-11.30.05.png)
In all my years, working with people and teams on personal development and growth, the one common theme I hear is: “I am not certain what is expected of me or what I expect from myself (…)”.
Trying too hard to achieve this, call it happiness – by attending workshops, reading self-help books, taking meditation classes, installing mindfulness apps – often stresses us out more than it fulfills what we are looking for. What we should do instead is actually quite simple, however in today’s ‘always busy, always-on’ culture, hard to come by. This is connecting with your boss, your co-worker, your life partner on a deeper level rather than the day-to day superficial level. Study after study shows that good social relationships are the strongest, most consistent predictor of a happy life. The best instrument to achieve this is a really good conversation in which both parties are truly listening to each other with open hearts and minds.
Often we miss the opportunity in these conversations to express our appreciation, what we value and what we expect from each other. In my work I am using these three questions, or conversation starters:
- You inspire me to…
- What I like to see more of…
- What I would like to learn from you…
We’re all hungry for affirmation. The human need for feedback on what’s expected, if doing what we’re doing makes sense, receiving advice, course direction or simply a confirmation of appreciation is super valuable. When I facilitate this with groups of people who have been working together for years and ask them to have this 3 question conversation with each other; I have a hard time breaking up their talk as they share things with each other never done before.
Here you go, try it sometime with someone you work with, your boss or..how long has it been you looked your loved one in the eye to answer these questions for each other?